The Real Problem With Judging

Posted on January 27, 2014 by Bob

Over the past few months, I’ve noticed the topic of judging seems to keep coming up. Maybe it’s just an observational bias – I’ve been thinking about the topic quite a bit lately – or maybe it really is something people want to talk about. Whatever the case, the topic inevitably brings up one of the most over misinterpreted and overused passages of Scripture ever penned.

You know the one: It’s about coming along side your brother and helping them through their troubles while being delicate and caring. Oh, you don’t recall that one? What about the passage with wood planks in people’s eyes, hypocrites, and ‘don’t judge.’ Oh, you know that one. Do you realize they’re actually both the same classic passage from Matthew 7?

You see, for so long, our culture has completely twisted and misinterpreted this passage to basically support the idea of complete independence from anyone or anything. We, as Americans, typically don’t like to be told what to do, how to behave, or even be told we are simply wrong. “I’m independent, so don’t you DARE tell me how I’m suppose to live! Don’t judge me! Matthew 7 says so – don’t judge me!”

The crazy thing is that verses 1 and 2 of Matthew 7 really doesn’t say that at all. It doesn’t say ignore the problem, or for you to do your thing and let them do their thing. Instead, it tells us to not judge unless we are willing to be judged by those same standards. This passage isn’t really about “judging” people as we see it in our culture today – pointing out flaws and wrong doings of everyone around you. It’s more about “correcting” people who already believe what you believe – Brothers and Sisters who follow Jesus. It’s saying, “Don’t tell someone not to gossip if you haven’t taken steps to address your own gossiping. Don’t act like you can correct others on an issue you haven’t figured out.”

What people don’t realize is Jesus isn’t against “correcting,” nor is he against us “correcting” each other. In John 7:24 Jesus tells his audience to ‘judge righteously.’ In 1 Corinthians 5:12, Paul tells the followers to judge those inside the church, but to not worry about those outside the church. Being a follower of Jesus BY DEFINITION recognizes that we don’t have it all together and we need help – we NEED correction. We MUST be willing to be judged to follow Jesus. We walk this road together, as one church, correcting each other to look more like Christ. He called out his followers, and he expected them to call out each other.

If the classic American cultural interpretation of ‘not judging at all’ were true, then the next few verses of Matthew 7 wouldn’t make sense. However, it’s the next few verses of Matthew 7 that are truly at the heart of the entire conversation to begin with.

The Heart of The Matter

The problem here isn’t so much that verses 1 and 2 are completely misinterpreted – although that is a problem. The real problem is that verses 3 through 5 are not interpreted AT ALL!

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that Matthew 7 talks about coming along side your brother and working through their problems together with delicate care. With that in mind, re-read verses 3-5 from Matthew 7:

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

After telling the people to be cautious in their judging, Jesus gives us this beautiful analogy that is so often ignored, even in the church! Let’s start looking at this by seeing what is NOT here:

1) Jesus doesn’t say to ignore the speck in the brother’s eye because of your plank. The plank needs to be addressed and removed, and so does the speck. Correction, or “judging,” DOES take place!

2) Jesus doesn’t say to point out their speck and walk away. Who removes the speck from the brother’s eye? The audience! Jesus’ followers! You and I, as followers of Jesus Christ have the responsibility of helping make the correction once we can see clearly to do so. We don’t leave them to do this alone.

3) Most importantly, Jesus doesn’t say to jab out your brother’s eye, or slice their face open to remove the speck. Have you ever removed something from someone’s eye? Do you walk up and jab at it? Would you let a stranger off the street remove something from your eye? It takes a lot of trust for a person to allow you to walk up, put a finger to their eye, and remove a speck that is blurring their vision – trust that isn’t given to a random stranger. It takes a lot of patience and care for you to remove the speck without hurting. Often times our attempts at removing a speck are more like jabs and slashes than they are care and patience.

The first statement I gave is one most people can see and understand. The second one, some people might have a harder time accepting. Yet, the last one really is the heart of the matter, and why this passage is such a hot topic in our culture. This is the REAL problem with judging others.

How much care, patience, compassion, and trust does it take to allow someone to remove something from your eye? Do you think Jesus used this analogy by accident? When was the last time you saw all of these qualities being executed when correction was taking place?

Would you normally have a problem with someone correcting you if you trusted them, they truly cared about you, they were patient, they were delicate, and they walked with you through the process, and they weren’t automatically yelling and screaming at you? I would be HONORED to have someone do this with me! It’s the lack of these qualities being present that makes this topic so huge in our culture!

We, as Christians, are so quick to point out others flaws with anger – and in some cases hatred – that no one wants to hear what we have to say. We don’t walk beside them. We yell, scream, and make sure everyone knows what the tip of our index finger looks like. We don’t exercise love in the discussion, and if there is no love, we’re nothing but clashing symbols. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Of course no one wants to hear what we have to say! Who wants to listen to a bunch of symbols banging away as loud as they can?

And then, of course, there’s the hypocrisy issues that everyone is well aware of, and it doesn’t need to be dissected here. (Side note: Not following Jesus because of the hypocrites that follow him is like not going to the doctor because of all the sick people who are there to see him.) This would also be a non-issue if we could admit to our own shortcomings. Put simply, we need to realize that righteousness is not a synonym for “pride” or “bragging rights.”

We, as Christians, must realize that we are the reason why no one wants to hear about Jesus. If more pastors would preach this, and more church leaders could recognize this, we’d be in a completely different society. It takes love – not this fake, superficial, surface level love, but true, authentic, 1 Corinthians 13 love – to correct someone. It’ll change them, and it’ll change you. Most of all, it’ll solve the real problem with judging.

Agree? Disagree? What are your thoughts?

Cultural Differences – Part 4 Family

Posted on August 20, 2013 by Bob

An intricate of every society is the family, and China is no different. The family plays an important role in the life of every Chinese citizen. However, the way in which those roles are lived out can be quite different from that of the West. The Chinese recognize this, as well, and often have a difficult time understanding how these roles translate back and forth. As a result, they even have negative stereotypes about our family structure. Although our structures are a little different, it doesn’t change the fact that both societies have a strong love of family.

Background

There are few infrastructures that are more important to the Chinese than the family. This society has a long tradition dating back to Confucius. The well being and strength of the family shows the society how good and moral you were. It shows how good of a citizen you are. Fulfilling the roles in the family shows honor. As a result, it’s the centerpiece of the society itself!

Early Childhood

From a very early age, you are surrounded by many people in your life that take care of you. However, the mother and father are not always as involved in the child’s life as they are in the West. Sure, they are there and certainly take care of the child, but their main role in a Chinese family at this point is to work hard, makes lots of money, and save Save SAVE! As a result, the grandparents often take an important role in the raising and teaching of young children.

Often times, the father’s mother will move close, or move in, to show the wife how to raise the child and assist with most of the daily tasks. Since families often start much later here than in the West, the grandparents are typically retired when the baby comes along. The high involvement in raising the grandchild is typically seen as a great joy.

A side note here: Diapers don’t exist in China in pretty much any way, shape, or form. It is considered a great part of intimacy for a mother to KNOW when her child needs to potty at the earliest of age, and help them do so. Thus, nearly all young children’s clothing have split-bottoms in them for quick access. It’s common to walk down the sidewalk and see a child doing their duty right there on the side of the road, on the steps, or in the middle of the sidewalk itself, with the mother or grandmother holding them, or waiting patiently right next to them.

Childhood/School

Just as in the West, education is highly valued by all. As such, children are put into “kindergarten” (the equivalent of the US Preschool) as early as possible, assuming you have the money to do so. Many children will spend two to three years in these “kindergartens” learning the basics – including the basics of English – before starting Primary School. Just like in the US, these early childhood schools are private institutions and can cost quite a bit of money. Typically, the child will be here from about 7:30am until lunch break around 11:30pm, and then come back after lunch around 2pm until 5pm.

Primary school is quite similar to kindergarten in its structure, although many students are sent away to other cities for primary school. Big cities are often equated with bigger and better schools for children as those schools can pay for better teachers. Wealthy families will buy a second home in a big city, while other students will live with a relative in said big city to attend the better schools. That doesn’t mean that there are no good schools in small cities, but it does mean that the education system is EXTREMELY competitive.

Education treasured above almost all else in families, and they’ll do nearly ANYTHING to ensure their child gets the BEST education possible. It’s common for students to spend all day in their courses, and then have private tutoring sessions in the evening. Unlike in the States, private tutoring is not reserved for students who need to be “caught up,” but instead is a very pricey session to help your child get and stay ahead of everyone else. Much of the time out of the classroom – holidays included – are spent with private tutors. From a western perspective, Bethany and I often worry that the children aren’t given time to be children, but we try not to let our cultural bias color the situation.

Junior and Senior High school is very different than in the States, as it is at this age that the children will move into dorms on the school campus. It looks much the same way colleges are run, but with more students sleeping in larger rooms – usually 4-6 students in a room. For the most part, the students are on their own. It’s quite common to see children take the buses and taxis, shop, and eat out without any adults around.

Much of this is due to the fact that students from the countryside villages will also be coming into the nearest cities for this level of education, so they stretch the dorm settings to all students. Typically junior and senior high are seen as one combined level of schooling – “Middle School” – as it’s expected and desired that all students will go to college, even though many won’t.

Many students will still visit their families on the weekends, but for the most part, they are basically living on their own at this point. The family gives them money to live on, and the teachers and other staff keep an eye on them. Studies are still rigorous with some courses taking place as 6pm, 7pm, or even 8pm, although these late courses aren’t as common.

College

The life of a college student doesn’t seem to be too different from that of a Jr/Sr High school student. There is still a heavy reliance on parents for financial support, and lots of studying. Most students are even restricted from holding jobs while in College. Curfews are still in effect at this point as well.

It’s usually in College that students actually start dating. Before this point, it’s typically taboo, and even forbidden in some cases. In the past, most women are very careful about who they date, ensuring that the man comes from equal or higher socioeconomic background. This feeling is changing a little, but it’s still important.

Post-College

Up until now, the parents have been supporting the child financially through school, but it doesn’t stop there. Many parents have still been trying to save up money to help their child get a good job. Although it’s not really talked about much, it’s still pretty common to pay an employer to hire your child.

If your child is a son, then you’ll also want to help them buy a flat shortly after college. This is very important for them to find a wife. Women in China want a man that has a purchased home and will make lots of money, so this is vital if you want your son to find a wife in a country where single girls can be a little more scarce in some areas of the country than others.

Adulthood

Most people get married around the ages of 28 to 30, a bit later than most people in Kentucky. There typically isn’t anyone getting married after this point, as everyone wants to be married as quickly as possible by this point. Our friend recently summed it up pretty well for us: “If you reach 35 and can’t find the right person, then find the wrong person! Just get married!”

Married couples typically attempt to have their one child – or first child if they are in a minority group as minority groups are not as heavily subjected to the “One Child Policy” – pretty early on in their marriage, just like in any country. It’s been tradition for the husband’s mother to move in at this point and help out around the house, especially with raising the new child and teaching the young wife how to manage the house. However, this is changing in China as the younger generations are becoming more independent. Nowadays, the husband’s mother will get an apartment very close by the young married couple so as to be readily available when needed.

There are currently two differing views regarding the family in China. The first view says the parents need to work as much as humanly possible to make as much money as possible to provide for the family. The grandparent(s) will therefore take a large amount of the responsibility in raising the child.

The second view says that working hard is good, but you need to spend time with your child as well. Sometimes these two views can be found in conflict in the same home. I personally support the latter, but I also understand the reasoning for the former as it takes so much to raise a child in this country.

During the holidays, it is important that the couple visits the husband’s parents for several days. If the holiday is long enough, and/or the wife’s parents are close enough, then they will also visit the wife’s parents for a few days as well, but it’s typically not as common. The latter is relatively new to the society, and seen as a luxuary.

Stereotypes on Americans

As we have learned about the differences in families, we have also learned about various stereotypes that exist in China towards Americans. One of the big ones is that we don’t love our elderly due to the large number that are in nursing homes. You see, as grandparents get older in China, it’s often expected that their child will take care of them. Sometimes, this means moving in with the child and spouse. Sometimes this means hiring a nurse to stay with the grandparent in their home by day. The concept of the western nursing home is often viewed as cruel and neglectful by the Chinese.

Many also believe that Western grandparents don’t love their grandchildren because they won’t quit their jobs to take care of the grandchildren full-time. It’s interesting, and difficult to explain this cultural difference in a way they understand.

The Chinese also misunderstand the American teenage desire for independence as lack of care of our children. The fact that so many are on our own by the age of 18 is completely… “foreign” to them, as children here are relying on their parents through their 20s. The parents in China typically take great joy in caring for their children through these early years of adulthood to ensure a secure future. After all, your children are your retirement!

While the traditional view of family is still dominant in China, Western influence of independence has begun to have a great impact on the society here. I don’t see many of the family traditions fading away for several centuries, but the impact is still visible. We see much of the younger generations taking on more independent roles in their own small ways. It’ll be interesting to see how these changes begin to shape China’s future!

Redefining Missionary

Posted on December 16, 2012 by Bob

It’s always interesting to me to see how people view the different roles of a Missionary. In the West, the view of a Missionary is often one where you have a white man enter a foreign land, stand on a corner, tell everyone how wrong they are and how he has all the answers, show how superior the West is, and create a group of native followers. To be honest, this view is arrogant, ridiculous, and awful.

Although we don’t “officially” hold the title of “Missionary,” Bethany and I certainly feel this title is appropriate to our work. It is our love of Christ that drew us to reach out to other parts of the world. It is the love of Christ that encouraged us to meet new people, develop relationships, and get involved in what is going on here in China. But how we share our faith must change from the stereotypical norm. (Bare with me – this may get a little long….)

Let me be clear: In no way are we “ashamed” of our faith. We are very open with the fact that we are Christians. We are very open to sharing ideas of the Bible. In China, none of this is illegal. What IS illegal in China is evangelism – or, more specifically, classic Western Evangelism.

So what this means is we are not allowed to walk up to random people and say, “Hey, do you know Jesus?” This means we are not allowed to stand on a street corner with a bull horn and shout at people to tell them they are going to Hell. This means we can not walk down the street and hand out tracts to people.

But, in all honesty, is this really all that bad?

I mean, when was the last time shouting at strangers on a street corner really brought them to Christ? To be honest, I have never found tracts to be all that effective either. How would you react if some stranger walked into your home, started telling you all the things you are doing wrong, and how you should change the way you live? Would you respect them? Would you listen? It was rare for Jesus to find a random stranger, tell that random stranger how to live, and then walk away from him. Why do we think we should be doing this?

The truth is that nearly all of Jesus’ ministering occurred personally and relationally. The few times we do see Jesus correct random strangers (eg. The Woman At The Well), he is coming to those people as a respected authority figure – people care what he has to say. More specifically, we see Jesus ministering in three different ways throughout the Gospels.

The first, and most popular among the West, is by teaching/preaching. His most famous example was the “Sermon On The Mount.” (Matthew 5-7) This is the method that we in the West tend to feel most comfortable with. It’s usually the least intrusive and least amount of responsibility for the teacher. People show up, they listen, they leave. You teach, and then you walk away. There’s little accountability, little responsibility, and little risk involved. Those who want to hear are already there to listen.

The second way Jesus ministered was by confrontation and calling people out. He challenged the religious leaders of the day – the Pharisees – as they tried to challenge Jesus’ authority on religious matters. Some people try to use this as the basis for classic Western “You’re all going to Hell” evangelism. But who was Jesus speaking to? The religious LEADERS – people who supposedly knew and followed God’s law. These people knew God’s Word. These were the people who went to church every week. These were the people who tithed every week, who prayed daily, who were called to represent and lead God’s people. These were the people Jesus called “sons of hell.” (Matthew 23:15) These were the people Jesus verbally smacked around.

Now, is it true that people are going to go to hell if they don’t know God? Yes. But how much good does it do to yell at sick people and tell them over and over they are sick? Everyone knows we’re messed up. It’s obvious to most people this world is broken. Screaming at them won’t help. The recent events in the US has reinforced that.

The last form of ministry Jesus did was relational. Arguably, this was his biggest form of ministry. Jesus had a way of accepting those who didn’t feel accepted – those who were told they weren’t good enough, or failed too many times, or didn’t deserve to be acknowledged. Those were the people we seemed to reach out to the most. And it was his love that brought them close to God – it’s what drew them in.

Zacchaeus was one of those people. He was a tax collector for the Roman Empire. Thus, he was hated by the Jews. Some say he was a JEWISH tax collector. Which would mean he was also a traitor among his own people. But then he had an encounter with Jesus (Luke 19). During this encounter, Jesus took note of Zacchaeus. Jesus simply said he was going to eat at Zacchaeus’ house (which would have been an honor in those days). How did Zacchaeus respond? With repentance! “Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” (V. 8) What did Jesus say or do to invoke such a response?

Love. Jesus showed love to people. That love typically shown through in the form of compassion and acceptance. He came across prostitutes, thieves, Jews, Samaritans, Romans, the rich, the poor, the lame, the blind, the sick, the outcasts, and so many others. He relationally accepted them all. He never let them stay where they were, but he accepted them nonetheless.

China is a relational culture. We have entered there culture – there home. My job isn’t to change their culture or their laws. My job is to bear the image of Christ. We are here not as authoritative figures, but as (hopefully) humble Americans seeking to make friends, build relationships, learn about them, teach English, and show God’s love through legal means. That is our goal.

It starts by creating relationships. That’s how friends are made. That’s how teaching and learning happens. That’s how God’s love is best seen. That’s how being a “missionary” starts.

Overwhelmed With Love

Posted on September 16, 2012 by Bob

Have you ever been in a situation where an act of service kinda seemed small or unimportant, but the outcome meant so much to somebody? Yeah, I’m sitting on the tail end of the latter. Words are hard to describe where I am after what I experienced today.

I realized something was up when I started getting emails and phone calls from people regarding helping me get things done. I wasn’t aware of it at first, but my bride sent out an emergency email to our community of faith, and they responded. One gentleman (a Master Organizer) put together an event within our congregation to help me out in my packing and moving process – and boy did I need it! It wasn’t that I didn’t want help, it was more that I didn’t know HOW the help could help.

Several people came over after church and not only helped me organize what was still here, but this community of faith brought over food, helped sort, helped pack, helped sell! I never could imagine that so much could be done in so little time! Overwhelming! Absolutely overwhelming!

There’s a man in this congregation (he wasn’t part of this group) who I greatly respect and look up to. He’s a big fan of Mother Teresa. One of his favorite quotes from Mother Teresa says, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can all do small things with great love.”

That’s exactly what happened today! It was a small thing for many of them to come out here and partake in this endeavor. It was probably a small thing to drop off some food, or packing tape, or spend a few hours leading, or a few hours numbering bins, etc. But it was the amazing amount of love and generosity that was shown that blew me away.

I mean, I know these people. I know their loving hearts and kindness. That’s why I’m in community with them. But I’m not usually on this end of it! I’m usually the one serving right there with them.

This truly increases my understanding of how important it is to receive help and service and love if you are going to give it. This truth is something I’ve been working on for a few years. It’s always been easy for me to give of myself, but to receive help has always been difficult. But if God wants give a blessing through someone else, who am I tell Him, “No, that’s OK. I’ve got it.” How egotistical and selfish is that?!

During these last few days, I’ll be getting out of my apartment and moving in with a family from this same community of faith. I am excited to receive this blessing, and hope my gratitude can been conveyed well. There’s still a lot to do over the next couple of days to get out of here, but I’m so much closer now than I was this morning. And I’m more overwhelmed with love than I’ve been in a long time!

Hello World!

Posted on July 6, 2012 by Bob

What a fitting title for the first post! “Hello World!” Who knew that such a simple phrase could have such a profound meaning? Let me explain:

In the world of computer programming, getting your program to say “Hello World!” is typically the very first step in learning a new programming language. It’s usually not a difficult task, per se, but a significant one. A “Hello World!” shows you that everything is configured properly, let’s you know that you are understanding the basics of the language you are messing with, and gives those two friendly words give you some visual feedback on your screen to show you how everything is looking from the outside.

And yet here we are. Not only is this the first post on our first website, but this also marks the start of many firsts in our lives: This will be the first time I leave the States, the first time we’ll immerse ourselves in a foreign culture and language for two years, the first time we’ll be leaving behind friends and family for such a long period of time, and a first for serving in ministry as an occupation. Do we understand all the complexities of these ‘firsts’ yet? Absolutely not! But we are beginning to understand the basics of how this will all work together, and we are beginning to get some “outside visual feedback.” It’s going to be a complex experience, but one that will surely change our lives forever.

So, as God guides our footsteps, leads us outside our comfort zones, and teaches us further how to love on people, here we go: “HELLO WORLD!”