Seeking Thankfulness

Posted on December 1, 2012 by Bethany

Last week I had the great joy of teaching my students about Thanksgiving. I told them Thanksgiving was an opportunity for Americans to realize how blessed (and not lucky) they are to have so many good things. At first my students all responded with the- they should be because they are all rich- look. Then as we dug deeper they were able to see how blessed they were too. We talked about having clean water, food to eat everyday, the ability to see a doctor, to sleep under a roof, to have shoes and so on. Many of these students come from poorer country areas of China, they come from people who only in the past 20 years even had some of these things for themselves. They know people who don’t have, they know that there are areas in China where people don’t have clean water or medical care. Still consumerism- being fashionable, having cool phones, and all other kinds of materialism is still the goal for my students. They are encouraged everyday by their parents and their society to want more and more. So when we talked about this in class, I think this really hit home for many. They were quiet and thoughtful when we discussed what it means to be blessed.

Then after having this serious and deep discussion with my students about how Thanksgiving is about putting our lives in perspective and seeing how blessed we are- I taught them about Black Friday. They laughed at the contrast, but I didn’t really feel the irony until my friend Kristin shared a photo online commenting “Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have”. Being a Black Friday fan myself I couldn’t help but pause and wonder if I myself was really thankful for the things that God had given me. I am thankful that God has given me this amazing adventure in China, fulfilling a calling I have been yearning to take part in for years. I am thankful for the huge apartment he has blessed us with and all of the opportunities he has given Bob and I both in China. Still there are days when I forget to be thankful. Instead I think about all my friend and family at home who I miss so much. I also think about the future, what I want in two years after I leave China.

It’s odd, to go from feeling amazingly blessed to thinking of my time in China like a prison sentence- “Oh when I get out, the things I will do.” How horrible is it that this is how I am letting myself think about what God is trying to do through me. Why do I feel this way? In the back of my mind there is this other dream, one that includes buying a big house, a garage full of power tools, and a safe place for my future children to grow up in. Heck, just the thoughts of having children itself. I want these things so bad that they have begun to color my mind. Being in China isn’t just a delay in achieving the American dream- it is the calling that gave me hope, it reminded me that I had a purpose and place in God’s work when I was ready to give up on myself. Still, I too have been sold the American dream so much, it’s hard for me now to deny it and find peace with the idea that I may never achieve it.

Thinking about all of this only keeps revealing to me how shallow my faith is. I can’t help but feel scared about the idea of being called away from my family and friends for the long term mission field. Or the idea of being pregnant and raising children in a foreign country, not being able to share and rely on my friends and family back home. While it’s hard for me to imagine a life without the comfort and security my home land provides, could I really turn God down if he asked me to stay? Can I really say sorry Jesus, I know you were tortured and died for me, but I would really like to raise my kids where life is more convenient and less scary.

For a long time, I thought that Bob and I had this whole American dream and materialism thing under control. We were on the Dave Ramsey plan, we were living on the “minimum”. I thought we were better than others about our emotional needs and attachment to material things, but moving to China showed me how wrong I really was. Giving away and selling all of the things I had worked so hard to gain, it was hard and emotional. I had let myself find so much security and comfort in the things I had filled my home with. I tried to face the truth, I tried to look my materialistic nature in the eye and say no more. I don’t want to be attached to material things this much ever again. Then I got on a plane to China and started thinking about the things I wanted when I got back to the states. The things were gone, but the disease was still there.

The truth of the matter is this, I don’t know where God is going to call Bob and I next, much less what he might call me to do tomorrow. All I know is that I want to be there with a big yes when he does call. As tempting as it maybe, God may never call me to have any of the things we idolize through the American Dream. Certainly, he will never call me to make the American Dream my dream. Instead, my dream needs to be seeking His dream for me. Whether that dream is giving up everything, or even if it is having a home in the US, what really matters is that I am willing on my part to be whatever he calls me to be. If I cling to desires, to which there is no guarantee that God will give me, then I am just setting myself up for heart break.

So I will keep trying. I will keep trying to be thankful for what God has given me in this moment without thinking about wanting more. I will try to keep my heart open to the things God wants to give me and what he wants to do with me. I will keep trying to live the Jesus dream and not the American one I was programmed by society to desire. I’m not going to lie, I will probably still hop on Trulia and Pintrest and think of someday, but I don’t want to harden my heart in the direction of material things, because in the end I will be the one who gets hurt by it.

Hoping and praying that the Lord continues to stretch and shape me and all of my friends.
With much love,
Bethany K

Finding Center

Posted on October 28, 2012 by Bethany

On my first day in JiNing, I sat on my couch and talked with my fellow teacher Leslie about all of the tasks that lay before me: adjusting to a new culture, unpacking into my new apartment, teaching, and worst of all- being without my husband for another month. Even though there was much to do, the Lord had filled my heart with so much hope and joy. I was doing what he had been calling me to do for ten years and the joy of fulfilling his will was supplying my heart with enough hope to keep going. On that first day God reminded me that my hope was founded in the right place- he gave me this beautiful sunny day rainbow which to me was a promise that he was with me and that I was truly following his will. It felt like the embodiment of the hope I had for my future in China.

While life was busy, training in August and getting settled in JiNing, the lacking presence of my husband was easier to deal with than I had thought. I longed for him to be with me, but I understood that I was making a new life for us and it helped me be focus and strong. Particularly because everything I was doing was for US and it made me feel like my husband was still apart of my life.

Sadly, the feeling and strength didn’t last. As things settled down in JiNing and basic needs had been met, I had more time to think. I had more time to think about how horrible of a teacher I am. I had time to think about how much heavier and more giant like I am compared to Chinese women. I even had time to think about coming back in the next few years and finding that all of my friends had moved on without me and that some of the friendships that I cherished would be gone or less deep than they had been. I didn’t need the devil whispering in my ear for me to fall away for the joy that God had given me. My own self doubt had proved worthy of that task and in the midst of my doubt my sense of loneliness also grew. I missed my husband terribly. I felt the same way I did the day I got lost in the rain storm when I was 5 years old- lost in the dark with the weight of a storm bearing down on me and no one to help me find my way out of it. I blamed all of this on the lack of husband in my life. I wanted him to pull me close and tell me it was going to be okay, that I was beautiful, and that with time everything would fall into place. He’s been doing this for me for so long; I had forgotten how much I relied on him.

I tried to endure. I told myself that I wouldn’t cry, that I wouldn’t think about how lonely I am, I would just keep going. I focused on the positive things in my life, like my blossoming friendship with Sarah, my time with students, and the new things I was discovering all over town. I poured myself into these things, trying to keep my mind busy. Still, it wasn’t enough. When I discovered that I would not be getting my husband back at the beginning of October, like a rubber band that had been stretched to far, I snapped. I laid in bed for days, unwilling to keep pretending that I was making a life for a husband that wasn’t coming for several weeks. I couldn’t put on a happy face and just keep going. I was done with it. I threw fits and was overwhelmed with moments of anger, yes anger, and despair. I went to school, I taught class, and then I went home. That was all I wanted to do.

Then one day, a deep chilly and windy rain came into town. I didn’t have anything buy a jacket at the time and I braved my way through it to school in that morning. It made my misery seem more miserable and in someway trudging through it made me feel right at home. I taught class to students who seemed like they would rather be in bed and then I began my journey home. As I stepped out into the cold and wind, the sun had decided to peak through the clouds and graced me with a moment of warmth. And though I was still standing in the pouring rain, I stopped to look up at the rainbow that had formed in the glimmering light of the sun. My heart both sank and sang at it sight. How had I forgotten the rainbow that God had given me on that first day I was in JiNing and all the hope it had carried with it. As I peered up at the rainbow, thinking about what it had meant to me, a small voice in the back of my head thought, you can’t have rainbows without rain.

God is the sun, he is the light in my life, but sometimes that is easy to forget when everyday seems bright and cheerful. It’s only in the rain that we can see the full depth of his love and promise for us, its only in the rain that we can have rainbows. For me it seemed like it had been raining for nearly a month and I new that there was more rain ahead, but in the midst of all that rain I had forgotten that God was still with me, hiding just behind the clouds. He has given me a rainbow on my first day in JiNing to tell me that he was with me and he had given me another one to remind me that he never left.

I laid in bed that day with a big smile on my face, still my heart was heavy, because I had forgotten who it was that my life was suppose to be centered around. For years I have let other things in my life, my husband and my ability to serve others, become part of my focus and foundation. Certainly I didn’t forget about God or lack a desire to do his will, but still by all practicality I hadn’t let him and him alone be the foundation of my strength. It was only because of this that I had let myself into such sorrow over the absence of my husband. Laying there I decided I wasn’t going to be sad anymore, I would let God be my strength and put my hope in him once more. With every frustrating delay, with every bad school day, and with every cultural mishap I wasn’t going to let myself worry. I would simply trust in God.

The past few weeks since then have been amazing for me. There have been lots of things I could have been upset about, but instead I’ve laughed and said oh well. There have been times where I could have been stubborn or thought about missing my home, but instead I’ve embraced the moment. God brought me here; he’s given me all of these things because he knows what is best for me- why fret, instead I’m just going to enjoy the ride with God at my center.

This week, God has brought my husband and I back together. I’m so excited about what he has planned for us inChina. I feel more centered and stronger than I have in a long time- and it’s not my husbands or my doing.

Thank you Lord for the good and the hard times, for every and anything that brings me closer to you.

Happy B-day to me!

Posted on September 9, 2012 by Bethany

Me and my birthday cookie. I also had cheesecake, milk tea, and two special lunch breads (I ate one for dinner).

Just in case you didn’t know, I am finally settling in here in JiNing. I have had to opportunity to really experience lots of culture shock, beginning with a not so private physical in Hohhot. So far I have been without water, without internet, without a flushing toilet, without language, without food, without a mattress, and so on. Things have been hard, but they are still livable. A lot of it is just part of moving too. I know eventually I will settle in and things will get better, including my teaching skills. Still today has been the hardest yet, because I am without my wonderful friends and family.

Today is my birthday and I have primarily spent it alone. Though I did treat myself a little bit to some special treats and, of course, all of the wonderful messages I have received today have been amazing. I have even gotten happy birthday wishes from friends who I’ve barely spoken too since I left Starbucks (I fact I deeply regret). Still, as much as I appreciate all of the love, I want to cry. All I can think about is how much I want to be with those people, spending time with them. Today I have thought about my days at Starbucks. I think about being there late in the evening with the last few rays of sunlight beaming through the drive through window, things are a little slower and I’m behind the bar talking to people as I make drinks. I’ve missed this for quite sometime now, but the thought that it was always just right down the road was more comforting than being thousands of miles away. I also miss sitting in the BCM or in Zak Kratzer’s apartment until all hours of the night playing games, watching movies, and sharing our lives together. My time with those people are some of the most precious memories of my life. Praising the Lord with my family at Northridge. Goodness, I could really use some of that today. Cuddling up next to my mom to watch/analyse a movie. Sleeping next to my husband. I miss it all so much. It’s such a blessing to know that you have so many people who love you, but sometimes that also makes it harder to leave. I miss you all so much it hurts sometimes.

I know the Lord is with me and that he gives me strength, but I still want to be with all of you. I guess I will probably feel that way about several Chinese people when I leave this place too. I am already building new relationships here, but good relationships take time to grow. I guess all of this is suppose to be a lesson I will have to learn, though I’m still not exactly sure what I will learn from it just yet.

Think of me tonight, pray for me, and keep sending me those wonderful messages. This way at least you will be with me here in spirit. Also, pray for Bob. He is still raising funds, packing, training, and being totally overwhelmed by what is left to do in Kentucky. Please, if there is anything you can do to help, please do so. My husband is not always so great at asking for help, but he surely needs it right now.

I love you all so much!

Bethany Keith

Persevering and Preparing for our new life in China

Posted on August 23, 2012 by Bethany

Dear friends,

Me being a tourist in Yangzhou

There has been a lot going on these past two weeks. I have been training from 8am-7pm everyday. The hardest part, apart from culture shock and long hours, has been learning to teach people in a language that they struggle to understand. I have never taught before. I have never managed a group of students either. So getting up in front of a bunch of college students, who were my peers only months ago, and behaving like a confident authority is hard for me. They tell me I am finding my teacher voice and teaching style. I just hope I don’t get lost looking for it. I get frustrated at times when I see more experienced teachers and how awesome their lesson plans are or how amazing their game ideas are. I stay up late or get up extra early to write lesson plans that still fall short of others excellence. My confidence wanes at times and I doubt wether or not I can even do what I have come to China to do. Still I will persevere and hope that God has called me to invest in teaching others, because he knows how good of a teacher I am going to be. I try to take confidence in this, that God will make me who he needs me to be and for now that is enough.

I guess you can say I am enjoying the architecture so much that I almost feel like I am part of it.

In addition to working on lesson plans until 12:30 some nights, I am also dealing with the culture shock. Not just Chinese culture shock, but German culture shock. A large part of our group are part of the young volunteers program, which are high school graduates from Germany who come for only a year to teach middle school. Some are Christians and some are not, but all of them are wonderful to be around, even if I have to adjust my cultural goggles a little bit when I am around them. As for the Chinese culture shock, it has been a mixture of learning the language (I only have bargaining down so far), getting use to the new and “interesting” smells, and dealing with the cultural expectations. A lot of our training has covered this. How to deal with it and how to overcome. So my perspectives for my time in China are pretty positive right now and I know that once I settle into my new home life will get better.

Here are some of my new friends in front of the Lotus Bridge. The young women in front is Tina, my Chinese tutor. ^_^

In the meantime I will deal with hard beds and smelly streets, because I know the people here are worth it. It will be hard to say goodbye to our new friends here in Yangzhou. Still, as we finish up training this Saturday, I can’t help but get excited about getting to JiNing. We have a few days in Nanjing, where Amity’s head office and printing company are located. Then I have another day in Hohhot where I will be getting a physical for my work visa. So I should be reaching my new home on Wednesday. I warn everyone, I might be out of communication for a couple of days while making this transition, but don’t worry because the lord is with me. I will be alright. If you want to know what I am doing during those days, just think of me shopping and preparing for my new life in JiNing. A beautiful and wonderful life, because its about me bringing glory to God by serving others.

Finally, I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me these past weeks and months. It is such a blessing to know I have the strength of my Christian brothers and sisters with me as I make this major life change. I don’t think I could do it without all of the encouragement and love you so willingly give.

I love you all!

Bethany

P.S. I hope you all enjoy the few pictures that I have included in this post. They are from my trip to West Slim Lake Park here in Yangzhou. I hope to put more on Facebook when I gain access to it again.

And So The Journey Begins!

Posted on August 17, 2012 by Bob

Last Saturday, with myself, her parents, and a good friend who has already served several years in China, we saw Bethany off as she walked through the security line to board her plane. Thirty six hours, and two layovers later, Bethany arrived at her destination in China to jump into her training with Amity!

It’s took about half a week, but we finally got a communication schedule down between the two of us. Between poor Internet signals and hardware issues, it’s been a hard transition. But we are making it. One day at a time, but we are making it.

So now, when it comes to State-Side tasks, it’s up to me to get things taken care of. This includes selling stuff off, packing things up, and finding places to store the few things we will be keeping. Condensing my life down to nearly 100 pounds isn’t an easy task!

Thankfully, a local family has offered me usage of their spare bedroom for a few weeks so I can get out of the apartment sooner. Another family has graciously offered me usage of their spare car when I sell my own car. It’s these kind of caring, giving hearts that will make this transition much easier. Bethany and I are so grateful to be surrounded by such open and generous people!

I’m still working on raising the money for my plane ticket, and still looking for places to store our items while we are gone. But I haven’t given up, and know that – in due time – all of this will come together. The packing has begun, and the selling-off has started.

I’ll get over there and join Bethany in our service to the Chinese people soon enough. One step at a time. One day at a time. Either way, the Journey has begun!