Over the years, Bethany and I have attended many dinner parties. Some have been casual with friends, and some have been formal. Yet none have been as formal and behaviorally complex as some of the dinners we’ve experienced in China. The thing we’ve come to realize is that a culture as rich and old as the Chinese culture is, the traditions associated with formalities have become quite elaborate, especially for someone growing up in Casual America. The formalities of the Chinese culture are often so elaborate and important that it can be nearly impossible for a Westerner to establish business here if they don’t understand the intricacies of it!
Appreciation
When someone with power does something for you – helps you work through the red tape of setting up your business, helps establish contacts for selling goods, performs a service for you, etc etc – it’s expected that you show appreciation for this action. However, a simple “Thank you.” or a card will simply not due here. At the very least, a gift is in order for the individual/organization. More common though, you’ll host a dinner for the individual, or a group of individuals.
Recently, a local business hired the local TV station to create a commercial for them. Through our Foreign Affairs Officer, I was asked to participate in the commercial – what a really neat experience! After the filming, a dinner took place by the company to thank the crew and station for the commercial that they were paid to do. The Vice President of the TV station attended this dinner! Man, was the dinner good, too – after all, you don’t want to insult your guests with a mediocre meal!
Dinners
All formal dinners occur at round tables, never rectangular. Most round tables can seat between 10 and 30 people. We’re talking BIG round tables! Do they take up more space, absolutely! But it’s not about efficiency, it’s about presentation. You present to your guests the best possible meal you can, and that starts with a big table everyone can be at.
Dinners in China start with the seating. The host will likely instruct you where to sit, with the most important person at the meal sitting in a position that directly faces the door, so as to see each guest that enters. The host will likely sit to the right of the Guest of Honor.
In the West, you often are served meals in an individual manner – food is served to you on a plate designated for you. This is not true in the Chinese culture. Food is served on plates and bowls that are placed in the center of the table. This table center piece spins like a “lazy Susan” kind of fashion, so as all food can be in arms reach of every guest. As the center slowly spins round, you have the chance to pick up the food you desire.
Toasts
One thing that I find very interesting is how big a deal alcohol and toasting are to the Chinese culture. I have experienced more toasts in one Chinese meal than I’ve experienced my entire life COMBINED in America. The more important the meal is, the more alcohol and the more toasting will take place. If it’s a smaller meal among friends or normal colleagues, there likely won’t be as much toasting or drinking. If it’s a business meal among partners, there will be a ton of drinking and toasting!
During the latter, everyone will at some point toast to the host. Many will also toast to the guest of honor if they feel they have some kind of connection with them. This is very important for a guest to show they are pleased and honored to be a guest. The host will often toast with the guest of honor many times during the meal as well. As a result, it is common to leave such an event highly intoxicated. This is actually preferred, as it shows the host you had a good time. So there will likely be one or two individuals at the meal who are designated drivers, and are socially permitted to toast with tea instead.
Networking
Unlike in the States where business cards are only worth the email address and phone number printed on them, business cards in China are prized possession. To receive someone’s business card means that you now networked with that individual. You are welcome to contact them for assistance, or to invite them to YOUR gathering. As a result, you take a business card with both hands as a way to show the host you value the importance of it. This can be a huge step for many people as networking is absolutely crucial to success in China.
This kind of networking is essential to form a strong business. If you want to expand your company to a new city, you’ll need to gain the approval of local authorities just to open shop there – likely through such dinners described above. If you don’t have their approval, they won’t even let you purchase the facilities, let alone open the doors! So, finding favor with important people already in that region is essential to creating success. Having a business associate that can help you through the bureaucratic red tape due to already having presence in the desired area can be a huge step in expanding and finding favor with the local officials.
You want to move up socially to a better job? You’ll need to network with – and gain favor with – people who have the power to help you get those jobs! These jobs don’t go to just anyone who meets the qualifications. This kind of networking often starts with family and classmates. Unlike in the States, your college classmates are people you typically stay in contact with the rest of your life. Families and classmates realize that they are essential to creating success. In this society you won’t be able to move up without relying on them, which is quite different from the West were you are almost completely responsible for your own success.
The reliance this requires often creates a very close-knit society. It also gives you incentive to continue to do well, as your success will likely make others around you look good or bad. If you continue to do well, then you can also continue to count on others who are doing well to give you a boost. Everyone helps everyone else.
Sure, it’s self-motivated helping. But don’t be too quick to place your cultural views upon this society. The culture in China is very different, but it’s not exclusive. It’s simply a way that they take care of family and friends. It very well might make it harder for non-connected people to rise up, but it’s certainly not impossible. There are people who rise up every day. Business people love to meet new individuals, especially those who are willing to work hard, because you never know where a new connection might take you! It’s a formality that encourages the sharing of success.
Closing Remarks
Some of these formalities may seem like “just showing off,” which very well might be true. It’s the West, however, that views “showing off” as a negative thing. Here, it is a sign of hospitality; a sign that I’m trying to give you and show you the best I have to offer. It’s certainly different, but not bad. The difference between “hospitality” and “arrogance” is often only in the cultural perception. In the States, we focus on making our guests “comfortable.” In China, they often focus on making their guests “important.” The differences aren’t wrong, just… different.
It’s through these differences that we begin to more fully understand how to relate to the various cultures. These experiences continue to separate the “good” and “bad” from the “different,” which is vital if we want to relate to those around us. We are constantly reminded throughout our time here that Christ’s love is not bound by cultural preferences, but only by our ability to show it. As we further understand the formalities of China, we create within ourselves new ways to serve and show Christ’s love to the people God has brought us to.
